i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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