i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So vagazzling was a success
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
