I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
