This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize