The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
