i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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