u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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