Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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