1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
