I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
