"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
