The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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