I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
