they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
