Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
