Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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