I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
