Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
