I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
