I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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