We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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