Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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