just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
