I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I need a burrito and a hug.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
