Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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