please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got inside last night via doggy door
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
