Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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