I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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