you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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