Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
