im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
