what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize