Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
