she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize