She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize