porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize