??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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