whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
