This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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