I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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