Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
