Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
