We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
