And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
