we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
