We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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