Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
