I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize