Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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