he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
