i already hear my dad disowning me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
