I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
