There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Panties = found
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
