I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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