grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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