It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
