hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
