I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
