somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
