Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
