I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
