Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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