dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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