last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
