So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
