Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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