U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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