youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
