I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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