im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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