I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How does one acquire holy water?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
