and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
