Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
