he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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