Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
