i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
