I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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